1-28-11 - Janette's Kinky Past and Would You Rather

In case you missed it...

LE WHIF, JANETTE'S DIET AND FINDING THAT INTERNAL DRIVE TO SUCCEED
Rosie and the staff started today's broadcast taste-testing "Le Whif" the breathable chocolate that Pete brought in for them to all try.  Rosie tried the mint flavor, Janette tried coffee and Deirdre tried raspberry.  Rosie said it tasted like a dusting of mint chocolate chip ice cream in her mouth.  But she was not a fan of the "dust" texture at all.  She didn't see the point.  Then they started talking about the electronic cigarette kiosks in malls and how the AMA is trying to subject them to federal regulations.   Rosie said the Le Whif left a bad aftertaste in her mouth and made her want to go brush her teeth.  Janette called it a "piece of crap" and said it's the first thing she's had that's not pure food since January 3rd.  Janette's been following the Primal Blueprint diet since the beginning of the year and only eating proteins, fruits and vegetables.  She hasn't eaten one thing out of a package and she's written down everything she's eaten.  She lost 10 pounds the first week and although the weight loss has slowed, she's never felt better!  She's also following Suzanne Somer's Sexy Forever about getting rid of the toxins in your life. 

In regards to the Superbowl next weekend, Rosie said her ex's new girlfriend Anne is a huge Green Bay Packer's fan and now so are Rosie's kids!  She said they're obsessed!  Jeannie isn't really a football fan but loves the day for an excuse for wine and a party.  They discussed how much money each player makes in the Superbowl.  Rosie said there's an image that football players make a lot of money but she said when she was friends with Elisabeth Hasselback it was clear that they didn't make that much.  She said if you're not a big football star you don't make as much as you think.   

Rosie said Parker's new grades are about to come at the end of the week and she's not looking forward to getting them.  Parker's actually disappointed his new school doesn't have a football team.  He has dreams to go to Louisiana State University and play football in college.  Rosie pointed out to Parker that he's 15 years-old and never played on a football team.  She had to tell him that Division 1 football players have played and practiced their entire lives.  She wondered if Parker was a product of this generation when he thinks he could be an NFL player having never played the sport.  Deirdre also thinks it's the younger generation of people.  She said she knows people just graduating with expectations that they can be where she is in her career right away.  Rosie tried to explain to Parker that he was born after all the work had already been done and he's never seen a parent with a regular job putting in all the time and work.  Jeannie said there are kids on Long Island who have been playing soccer since they were 4 years old.  She said they've been working their entire lives in order to be able to play soccer in college and possibly get a scholarship.  Rosie said her friend Lois Heymann's son was an unbelievable basketball player.  Only, he went to a Waldorf School and no college even recruited him.  Rosie said she didn't have the heart to tell Parker if he has never played football all his life he's not going to play football in college.  She told him it's a lot of work, pain and sacrifice to get to be a great athlete.  Janette thinks Parker's dreaming is totally normal.  Rosie said she tried to compare it to her career.  She told him only a small fraction of the standups she's started with are actually well-known today.  She said she had to have an obsessional devotion to the craft along with a little bit of luck in order to make it.

Jeannie said she and Jackie were just having a conversation similar to this.  She said both of their oldest kids are convinced they will be millionaires when they grow up.  Jeannie didn't know if that's because they're a paycheck to paycheck kind of family and her daughter's just over it or why that is.  Jeannie followed her heart with her career and had no desire to be rich.  Rosie said it was not the same for her.  She wanted to be rich and famous and to not have to go to a job that she hated everyday like her father.  Rosie wondered if Jeannie and Jackie's kids feel this way because they've spent time with Rosie growing up.  They've seen her "Miami mansion" and they know it's a possibility not realizing that it's not the norm.  Janette said part of the reason some people are successful however is because they've got tremendous discipline and oftentimes out of life's hardships come discipline.  Without hardship, no discipline.  Rosie said she never even saw mansions as a child.  To her, living in Dix Hills was truly making it.   

When Rosie went out to Sundance she caught a ride on Kenneth Cole's private plane.  His two daughters were with them on the plane (one goes to Yale and one goes to Princeton) and she said both seemed very grounded and also very driven.  She wondered what they did to instill that in them.  Kenneth's wife told Rosie her mother used to put their vitamins on top of the New York Times summary page so they would read about what's going on in the world every single day.  For Janette, her big motivator to succeed was her desire to escape her home situation so badly.    Rosie said she doesn't even live in the way she could live because even what she has now seems grandiose to her.

When Rosie was at Sundance, she was talking with Chaz Bono about what it's like to be a child of a famous parent.  Chaz said when you have famous parents you become invisible as a child but there's no way to even avoid it.  It's inevitable. 

Rosie said she had a long talk with Parker about his college choices.  She told him he has an opportunity most people don't have and he needs to take advantage of that.  He told her he doesn't want to use her fame as a way to success.  Rosie said he shouldn't use her fame but know he has the financial resources for the very best education.  Parker's not making a lot of friends at his new school and all his friends are still at his old school.  Only, that school won't prepare Parker for college in the right way.  Janette said that most kids enter high school leaving all their friends behind and that's a typical experience.  She said it's not the norm for a kid to go through all the grades with the exact same group of kids.  Jeannie said Parker is still young and the next 3-5 years are going to be huge for him as far as maturation goes.  She said when her daughter was between the ages of 14-18 she had no drive and a lot of confusion.  Now that her daughter is 19 years-old, she's incredibly passionate about her Criminal Justice degree she's pursuing.  She assured Rosie that Parker is still growing up and in transition.  Rosie doesn't want him to go back to the old school because she doesn't want to cut him off from all his options at 15 years of age. 

FIRST KISSES, JANETTE'S FIRST TIME AND GETTING SPANKED BY STRANGERS
Janette said she read something recently that stated that 90% of people remember their first kiss  in detail.  Janette wondered if anyone in the studio remembered their first kiss.  Rosie said her first kiss was with a boy named Craig in the 5th grade.  They were playing basketball and the ball bounced into the garage and he kissed her.  This is the same boy who took a diamond ring from his mom and gave it to Rosie as a gift!  In 7th grade, she had her first french kiss with a boy named Todd.  Todd made her a shrinky dink necklace of her zodiac sign.  They kissed at the locker and she said he kissed her and roto-rootered her mouth with his tongue.  Rosie said it scared her to death and is convinced that's why she's a lesbian (that's a joke people).  Shoshana's first kiss happened in a parking lot.  She said she was just standing there and this guy she was dating at the time just leaned into her and put his tongue all up in her mouth.  Shoshana thought, "I never want to do that again!"  Janette's first kiss happened when she was 19 years old.  Her father went away on a cruise and she had a few people over to her house.  One of the guys was this 30-something-year-old who decided to kiss her!  Janette thought it was disgusting!   Pete couldn't remember his first tongue kiss but could remember the first time he saw a girl's nipple!   James, who was the President and founder of the porn club in school, first kissed a girl in 6th grade and  her name was Jessica.  Amanda, the new call-screener, remembered her first kiss that was in 9th grade.  She doesn't remember the kiss but she remembers just really wanting to get it over with so she could say she'd done it. 

The appropriate song for the topic...

Janette then remembered her first time she did "it."  She was in Switzerland after she quit college after her sophomore year.  Before she left, she would lie that she wasn't a virgin.  Janette said virginity was not as prized as it is today.  She said she was part of the "free love" generation.  Janette went to Switzerland with a prescription of birth control pills and a promise to get it done!   She worked in a hotel as a chamber maid and the very first day at work she met a man named Paulo who worked in the kitchen.  He gave her a look like he had just seen something stunning and she looked behind her to see what he was looking at and then realized he was looking at her!  One night he asked her if she would teach him English and she remembered coming home and writing in her diary she wanted to do it with him.  Having been an overweight kid and being reviled all her life, she wanted to do it to prove to herself that someone would do it with her.  The night it happened he just leapt on her!  She didn't even know what was happening and hadn't prepared herself by taking the birth control pills she had brought with her.  He only spoke broken English so she told him "no baby" as in she didn't want to get pregnant.  He understood what she was saying and flipped her over and entered her from behind!  Yes, I now have that visual in my head. Can I add porn writer to my resume now?  Janette didn't even know "that way" was an "entry" way and compared the experience to a battering ram.  It didn't last long because she shrieked and quickly got up.  Janette said she was sore for a couple days after that.  After that night Janette got herself on some birth control pills and they got the job done. 

There was a long silence in the studio.  Rosie quietly said that she appreciates the fact that Janette is never embarrassed.  Janette said her sexual past is a point of pride for her and she's never been ashamed of it. She said it was a blast.  Shoshana added that Janette enjoys a good spanking too!  Apparently, at a morning meeting Janette asked the staff if they thought there was anything odd about going to the Hyatt Regency in New York City and meeting someone for a good spanking.  Pete said if you're into spanking it's not odd at all!  Janette then told her spanking story.  Howard listeners, are you reading this?  Janette said she used to create "rooms" on AOL and hang out there to see who would come in.  She talked to some guy who said he was into spanking and she thought that sounded interesting!  She met him at the Hyatt one night, went up to the room and said it was "surprisingly fun!"  Janette said there was no sex involved, just spanking.  The second time she met him he brought along a hairbrush and that left some bruising.  They asked Janette how it felt and she said it actually felt good!  Janette said she's glad she's done the things she's done.  She thinks there's nothing to be embarrassed about.  Bobby asked her if she was ever worried for her safety and Janette's response was "people so rarely kill her."  Rosie said she used to have such anxiety when Janette would go through these phases. 

WOULD YOU RATHER?
Then it was time for a game of Would You Rather.  Rosie's never wanted to play the game Would You Rather but they've had it as a standby in the case that they ran out of things to talk about. 

Janette first asked everyone if they'd rather always have to say everything on their minds or never speak again?  Rosie, Janette, Shoshana and Bobby said they'd always rather say everything.  Pete said he'd rather never speak again.  Shoshana mentioned the movie The Invention of Lying and the disasters that can happen if you say anything on your mind.  Pete said he has thoughts about how bad his gas smells at least once a week and would hate to have to share those with everyone he encounters.

Would you rather always lose or never play?  They all said always lose except Rosie who said she'd never play.  Bobby saw it as a metaphor for life and said he'd have more of an issue if he never tried at all. 

Is it better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all?  Rosie said she thinks it's better to have loved and lost.  She said not every love is the love of your life.  Janette agreed and said the act of loving gives you so much.  She also said unrequited love is rewarding.  Shoshana thought unrequited love sounds too painful. 

Would you rather be stranded on an island alone or with someone you hate?  Rosie said she'd rather be stranded on an island with someone she hated because she could learn to love them.  She said she'd go crazy if she was by herself. She listed Donald Trump as an example.  She said they'd probably apologize to each other and learn to get along!  Pete and Janette said they'd rather be alone.  Pete said he would create his own Wilson (in reference to the film Cast Away).   Rosie then said she doesn't really hate Donald Trump so that was a bad example.  Pete said as he thinks of someone he truly hates he realizes he would rather be alone.  He said he doesn't want to be around that person ever.  Janette has realized with people she hates that she's not good at holding a grudge because she always forgives them.  She said she'd rather be alone because that's what she prefers.  Pete said he has Jesus and God to keep him company which made Diet Pepsi shoot out of Bobby's nose.   

Janette asked would you rather be invisible or be able to read minds?  They all said invisible.  Rosie said there's some shit she doesn't want to know about.  Janette agreed.   

Would you rather live without music or without TV?  Shoshana immediately said music.  Rosie said she can't live without music and said she'd rather live without TV.  Pete and Bobby said they need music more too.  Janette said she'd rather live without music.  Rosie discussed how she works and sleeps best with background noise and said she even likes a white noise iPhone app that's a sound machine.   

Bobby mentioned a new 911 app in California that alerts you if a person near you is having a heart attack and is in need of CPR.  Shoshana didn't like the idea because she thought it was like someone would be watching your location at all times.  Rosie wondered if anyone would really want all their neighbors to know when you called 911.  Bobby stressed that it's only in cases where the person is in need of CPR.  Bobby said in NYC the app could be really useful because there are many times an ambulance can't get where it needs to go because of traffic.

Would you rather publish your diary or make a movie of your most embarrassing moment?  Rosie asked if it's a documentary.  Bobby said make the movie because his diary would have many embarrassing moments in it!  Janette said publishing her diary would be her most embarrassing moment.  Janette, Shoshana, and Rosie love to go back and read their diaries and journals.

Janette asked if you'd rather admit that you once committed a horrible crime, do the time and get on with your life?  Or, never admit it to anyone, live an honest life and live with the guilt.  Rosie said she used to have a recurring dream that the cops were looking for her in a murder case.  She said the dream gave her tremendous anxiety!   Shoshana said she could deal with guilt but not with anxiety and said she'd rather live with the secret.  Bobby and Pete said they'd never survive prison.  Rosie wasn't sure.  James has been watching Beyond Scared Straight on A&E and said it's scary as hell.  He said it reminded him of the book Fish and said he never ever wants to go to prison.   

Would you rather end hunger or end hatred?  Rosie and Bobby said hunger.  Pete, Janette and Shoshana said hatred.  Janette said all the atrocities are done in the name of hatred and that's the basis for intolerance, war, etc.  Bobby said you can die of hunger but you can't die of hatred.  Rosie thinks ending hunger is totally possible and we have the resources to do it. She said her mind immediately flashes to starving babies dying in Africa.

Would you rather be able to stop time or fly?  Bobby, Pete, Shoshana, and Rosie said they'd rather fly.  Janette said stop time because aging stops.  She said she could stay right here at this age and not go to that casket that's waiting.  Janette joked if she was a Superhero she'd be "Young Girl" sucking the youth from all the bad guys.  Rosie said if she was a Superhero she'd be Captain Cureall or The Healer.  Pete said his super power would be to speak every language.   

Janette asked if you'd rather go to an amusement park or a family reunion?  Everyone said amusement park except Pete who doesn't like either.  Pete said he hates amusement parks because he hates standing in line and spending tons of money for 20 seconds of giggles.  Janette hates amusement parks too but thought it was the lesser of two evils.  Shoshana and Rosie think water-parks are really fun!  Rosie went with Tracy and her kids to the Jersey Shore to a water-park because Tracy made her.  Rosie said it was horrible because she was so self-conscious but if she was thinner she would have had more fun.

ROSIE MAKES A WEIGHT LOSS PLAN AND WHO INSPIRES US
Rosie then said Jennifer Hutt is going to help her with her weight loss!  Jennifer's going to show Rosie the way she lost weight.  She's also going to work out with her.  Jennifer lost weight all on her own and has really inspired Rosie to do it too!  Rosie said before she starts on OWN she wants to lose 20-30 pounds. 

Rosie said she went to a J.Jill store with her daughter Chelsea before Sundance and they didn't have any plus sizes so she wasn't going to try anything on.  Chelsea told her to try an XL and it fit!  Then, she bought a new coat and it's too big.  She said she wants to learn to buy the right sized clothes too and she's going to start her weight loss regimen in February with Jennifer.  Rosie said she knew Jennifer when she was heavier and it's been inspiring to watch her lose weight.  She's been watching shows like Heavy and MTV's I Used To Be Fat and doesn't see how the people on those shows find inspiration from those extremely fit trainers.  Rosie said it takes her knowing someone when they are overweight and watching them lose weight to inspire her that she can do it too.  Only then can she believe someone and their advice.  Janette said her friend Larry Flick from OutQ is her inspiration because he's lost weight and is still on his own journey.  Janette said when you're ready, the right person arrives but you can only have what you believe for yourself.  She said that's why low self-esteem is so dangerous- it limits what you can do.  Rosie said watching shows like Heavy and I Used to Be Fat inspires her that she can do it too.  Janette mentioned seeing someone recently judging a very large woman who walked by them on the street.  She felt compelled to say something and went up to the person and said, "There but for the grace of God."  The person said nothing back and walked away.  Janette would never judge anyone for being overweight because we have no idea what burdens they're carrying.

BOBBY'S BROADWAY GAME
Then it was time for Bobby's Broadway Game, complete with its own theme song.  During this game the players heard a clip of a Broadway overture and had to guess what show it was from.  Pete, Janette and Rosie played against each other each with their own buzzers.  They were to buzz in first in order to guess.  If they guessed incorrectly, they weren't allowed to guess again.   Each player got one point for naming the musical and two points if they could sing a song to the musical.  

1. The first overture was from Gypsy.  Rosie got it by only 3 notes!  She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
2. Sweet Charity.  Rosie got it.  She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
3. Guys and Dolls.  Rosie got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total 
4. The King and I.  Janette got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
5. Music Man.  Pete got it.  He then sang a song from the musical for an extra 3 points.  3 points total
6. My Fair Lady.  Janette guessed South Pacific and was out.  Rosie got it and got 3 points.
7. Phantom of the Opera.  Rosie got it with one note!  She sang a song from it for 3 points total.
8. Oklahoma.  Rosie got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
9. Funny Girl.  Rosie got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
10. Annie Get Your Gun.  Janette got it after Rosie guessed Anything Goes and was out.  3 points for Jb.
11. On the Town.  Rosie got the show points and Pete got the song points. Rosie 1, Pete 2. 
12. Cats. Rosie got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
13. West Side Story. Rosie got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
14. Annie.  Rosie got it. She then sang a song from the musical for an extra 2 points.  3 points total
15. Carnival.  No one got it.
16. Applause. No one got it.
17. Oliver. Rosie got 3 points. 
18. Seussical.  Rosie got 3 points.
19. The Little Mermaid. Pete got it for 3 points. 
20. Mary Poppins.  Pete got it for 3 points. 
21. Thoroughly Modern Millie.  Janette got it for 3 points. 

Rosie was the WINNER!!!!!

No one could understand how Rosie could have recalled the overtures as quickly as she did.  Pete said she had to have something like "Elbow Taco."  Rosie didn't get it.  Pete reminded her that she once made a joke about the name of the disorder Asperger's that it had a funny name and it was like calling something "elbow taco."  Get it?  ASS + Burger?  

Rosie closed the show.

and that's what you missed -kw