2-4-11 - Howard's Appreciation for Janette and Would You Rather

In case you missed it…

ELEVATOR ETIQUETTE AND ROSIE’S ABILITY TO TALK TO STRANGERS
Rosie started the show discussing how her assistant, Shoshana, moved. And where Shoshana moved is near the place where Janette gets massages. Rosie said she’s really not a fan of massages. She once went to a Russian bath where they made her get naked in a tub with a bunch of strangers (right there, that’s a problem for Rosie) and then they walk on your back while they hung from ropes above you. Rosie called the experience “very unpleasant.” Shoshana said her boyfriend has an an elevator etiquette in her new building that requires no talking, not to others on the elevator or each other. Janette ascribes to this elevator etiquette too and said she can’t even talk on the phone comfortably with other people in the room. Bobby will talk to others in the elevator but said if someone gets on the elevator with him and doesn't push a floor for themselves (meaning they’re getting off on his floor too) he freaks out inside thinking they’re going to follow him to his apartment.

Rosie was once at a hotel with Dolly Parton and got in the elevator with her. Dolly pushed a floor and Rosie just so happened to be getting off at the same floor. She was so worried Dolly thought she was following her she said something to Dolly about it and assured her she was on the same floor too. Rosie said Dolly was so kind about it and they had a little conversation. All Rosie could think was how she couldn’t believe she was having a conversation with Dolly Patron! Years later, after Rosie became more famous, she asked Dolly if she remembered meeting her but she did not.

The first time Rosie flew first class, Meryl Streep, Peter Frampton and Christopher Reeve were on the plane! The flight attendant asked Meryl if she wanted dinner on the flight and Meryl declined. Rosie wanted to be just like her so she said she didn’t want dinner too and she was starving by the time the plane landed! Rosie also said she opened a script for a movie she was in because she wanted Meryl to see she was an actress too. But she didn’t. She thought maybe she’d offer to run lines with her! Rosie joked that if she wasn’t famous she would have been a celebrity stalker. Janette once went to a mall with Rosie before she was famous and said Rosie introduced herself to everyone she ran into and was best friends with everyone immediately.  Jeannie said Rosie was like that in high school too!

Rosie told a story about directing a school play for Parker. She said a girl in the play was very shy and she encouraged her to use her LOUD voice. The night of the show she met the little girl’s mother who didn’t speak very much English. The mother didn’t recognize Rosie as a celebrity, she just knew her as another mom at the school. The next day the mom called Rosie and told her in broken English, “God sends you a teacher,” and she was sure Rosie was to be hers. She asked Rosie if she would teach her English and Rosie agreed to sit with her in the afternoons while they waited for the kids to come out of school. The woman must have shared this story with another parent (and that parent must have told her who Rosie was) because the next time Rosie saw her, she apologized and told Rosie she didn’t have to do it. Point being, Rosie has an uncanny ability to talk to strangers and always has. Janette said Rosie has the ability to authentically connect with people within 10 seconds of meeting them. Rosie said she’s really curious about other people. She said people are the best part about being alive.

However, Rosie said her kids call her a “creeper.” Whenever Rosie sees a baby at the mall she immediately goes over to it and asks to interact with it or hold it. Her kids make fun of her for it and call her a “creeper” because of it. Rosie said when she saw her friend Elton John with a little baby she immediately thought, “I could have another baby!” Rosie then spoke of how glorious it is having little Ellis in the house. Ellis is her friend/nanny Tanya’s little two year-old boy. Rosie said he’s almost perfect and all the staff gushed about how smart he is. But then Rosie really thinks about having another baby and realizes she couldn't survive another teenager. Like Rosie thinks about another baby, Janette said she will think about getting a kitten. She sometimes thinks, “What’s one more?” But she’s worried she’ll be known as the “crazy cat lady” so she doesn’t.

NIPPAGE AND MEETING FITNESS GOALS
The next discussion was about Nippage (when your nipples stand at attention and can be seen through your clothing) and what to do about it and if it bothers you. Rosie said a beautiful woman with nippage is sexy to her. Janette is horrified by it as she is with all parts of the human body. It doesn’t horrify Jeannie who will often admire other women's bodies. But she clarified that the nipples have to be in the right place! Rosie said her nipples point in towards each other and that’s always bothered her. Bobby asked Rosie why she feels the need to tell everyone that and Rosie said if Howard can tell everyone he had a tiny wiener, she can divulge her nipple issue. Janette then defended Howard’s penis size and said it grows to a normal size when its erect (so she hears). Janette said she once humiliated her assistant by asking him to get her band-aids to cover her nippage! Then the staff mentioned how Sirius radio host Romaine sells nipple clamps in her online sex shop! Good to know.

The staff then discussed reasons they might not be reaching their fitness goals. Rosie said her friend Jennifer Hutt is coming over on Saturday to discuss Rosie’s fitness routine and new diet. Jennifer told Rosie she has to do weights too and Janette agreed. Rosie said when she knows someone who has been chubby like her and lost the weight it inspires her that she can do it too. Janette feels exactly the same way about her friend Larry Flick.

GAME- SONGS WE HATE
So, the staff often discusses songs they love but today’s game was for each of the staff to share two songs they hate. Everyone got to pick two songs and explain their choices. Rosie said if anyone picks a Barbra Streisand song, they're fired.

Janette went first and of course the first song she picked was Barbara Streisand's “Stoney End.” Janette said every time she hears the song it sticks in her head and stays with her for the rest of the day. Rosie was speechless and offended and said Janette picking a Barbra Streisand song was like a religious offense to her. The second song she chose was The Carpenters “For All We Know." Rosie loves BOTH those songs and was completely offended.

Jeannie picked Laura Branigan's “Gloria” because she hates the way Laura sounds when she strains for the high notes. It completely annoys her. James took offense to this because he loves that song! The second song she chose was Chris De Burgh’s “Lady In Red.” Jeannie thinks it sounds like Kermit the frog is singing it! Everyone actually agreed with Jeannie's second pick.

Bobby picked Captain and Tennille's “Love Will Keep Us Together” because it's too overplayed. He second pick was Debby Boone’s “You Light Up My Life.” Everyone agreed with his second choice.

Rosie picked ”I Wear My Sunglasses At Night” by Corey Hart. She thinks he sounds too stoned to move his mouth! Janette liked it, of course, and so did James. Her second choice was Paul Anka’s “Having My Baby.” Rosie said that song always embarrassed her when it was playing and she was at Corvettes with her dad. Everyone agreed with her second choice.

Pete picked “Fields of Gold” by Sting. Rosie, Jeannie and Janette love that song! Pete said it wasn’t even music, it was bullshit and like nails on a chalkboard to him. He said listening to it makes him want to hit something. James agreed and called it “dentist office music.” His second choice was Neil Young’s “Old Man.” Janette liked that one but no one else did.

Lou picked the Beach Boys “Kokomo.”  He hates it and doesn’t even think The Beach Boys like that song. That was Jeannie's third choice if she would have had one. Rosie liked that song! The second song he chose was Shots by Lil Jon which he said is always played at his brother’s bar when everyone wants shots. Rosie liked it and it made her want to have a shot!

Shoshana picked The Bee Gee’s “Stayin Alive.” She thinks The Bee Gees are annoying in general because they sing so high and then she imitated them singing! Rosie didn’t agree with the choice. Her second choice was “Free Falling” by Tom Petty. No one else agreed except Bobby.

James picked Vanity’s “Pretty Mess” because he said it's the worst singing he's ever heard on a record. No one in the studio had ever heard it before. His second choice was Enrique Iglesias’ “Hero” because it's an obnoxious ballad. Everyone agreed.

Amanda picked Pearl Jam's Yellow Ledbetter because she can’t even understand what he’s saying! Lou said it doesn't matter what he's saying, it's the feeling behind it! Her second choice was Keisha's “Your Love Is My Drug.” Rosie agreed and Janette said that song hurt her ears.

Deirdre picked Starship's “We Built This City on Rock and Roll.” She said she used to love Starship and it’s their worst song ever! She thinks it’s plain gross. Her second choice was Crash Test Dummies’ “MMM MMM MMM.” Janette didn’t like it either but Jeannie sort of did.

Jeannie said she could have picked a Cher song and Bobby took great offense. GREAT OFFENSE. Jeannie said she wasn’t really a fan of Cher and Bobby said that’s her fault not Cher’s! It was funny.

JANETTE’S ONGOING LOVE FOR HOWARD
Rosie suggested staying in the city the next time there’s warning of a big storm coming so they don't all have to commute to Nyack. Then she said they could do the show in the Sirius “fishbowl” and Janette would be able to see Howard since she's professed her love for him!!!   Janette has had a crush on Hoard Stern for years even when he was being mean to Rosie, though she didn't tell her.  Well, Howard has heard of Janette's crush and has responded!  They played the audio of Howard saying nice things about Janette.  :)  Janette was thrilled listening to Howard speak about her.  Rosie wished she had a picture of her face as the audio played to show the listeners at home.  Howard said things like, "That chick on Rosie's show is so in love with me!"  And he called her a "very bright woman who won six Emmys!"  He was delighted that she thinks he's the "hottest fucking thing!"  Rosie was laughing at Janette's face of pure glee.  Janette told Rosie to imagine her discussing Rosie on live television or something.  Rosie got it.

Howard also said he doesn't need Janette to lose weight, he'll do her anyway.  He said he's got to do her so he can see what's going on with her.  He called it real love and said he needs more love in his life.  He said he wants to be devoured!  Rosie thought this hook-up might be something that might possibly happen! She asked Janette what she's going to say when she sees him the next time.  Janette said she's a little afraid that her voice might get all high-pitched and she might start rambling on not making any sense at all.  Rosie said that's a valid fear.  Janette just hopes she can look him right in his face and set him straight about the mistakes he's been making about his appearance. Rosie agreed and also thinks Howard is very handsome.  She said the way he moves, the way he dresses and takes care of himself is very attractive.  Janette is sure Howard is carrying around some childhood trauma that affected the way he thinks about his looks.   It's supposed to snow in NYC Tuesday night so this all could happen on Wednesday!!

Rosie asked Janette if Howard asked her to go in the backroom right now, would she? Janette said Howard's a class act and all that is just part of his humor but he wouldn't go through with it.  But she did say if he really offered she wouldn't disappoint or reject him in anyway!

Rosie joked that she's not much better when she meets celebrities she admires.  She saw James Franco on a plane recently and all she could say to him was, "Really good work this year!"  Rosie gets a lot of "I love you's" from fans too.  She said it's flattering and never feels bothered by it.  Deirdre doesn't like it when people tell Rosie they love her because they don't really know her.  Janette said fans mean they love what they know about her and what she represents. Rosie agreed and said they're reacting to her persona in a way.  She said it's not the same as when someone in her life says, "I love you."  Janette has really never acted this way about any celebrity except William Shatner, but that was an entirely different admiration.  And she admitted that Howard is THE ONE celebrity she truly adores.

WOULD YOU RATHER
Then Janette asked the staff Would You Rather questions.  They all didn't answer every one so I did my best taking notes to who did respond during this part. 

Would you rather....
...be forced to look at yourself in every reflective surface you pass or never see yourself again? Everyone said they'd rather look. Janette is pretty sure she does look at herself at every opportunity. Jeannie does too, painful or not.

...live without any taste buds or no feeling in your fingers? Rosie and Bobby said no taste buds because they craft and they'd probably lose weight. Pete and Jeannie need to taste so they said no feeling in their fingers.

...never eat at a restaurant or never eat their 10 favorite dishes ever again?  The entire group said they're over restaurants.  Bobby said he's never liked restaurants and as a child always disliked how much time eating food took on vacation when they could have been doing something else much more fun. 

....live in an area that's warm but rains every day or sunny but never gets above freezing? Janette and Pete said warm but rains but Rosie and Jeannie said they need the sun.  

....forward in time on three different occasions or go back in time once?  Rosie said she'd go back without a doubt. Pete would go forward. Bobby would go forward and get the lottery numbers!  Janette would go into the future to see what it's going to be like after she's gone.  Janette said when she met Amanda (the new call screener) she thought to herself - when Amanda is her age, Janette will be dead.  Janette said she's sad she won't be around to see the cure for cancer and other things.  Rosie asked Janette if she believes in reincarnation. Janette said she would like to but the one thing that dies is the ego and the sense of self and that's what she's most attached to.

....not be able to read or not be able to talk? Jeannie said not be able to read because talking involves people and she needs people! Janette said not be able to talk because reading is incredibly important to her. Pete said he could go without talking.

....be a world's expert in one field but totally clueless in everything else or slightly knowledgeable in every subject? Rosie said a world's expert because obsession has worked for her in general, in life. Bobby said the same. Jeannie said she would like to be more well-rounded.

....have the ability of 10 athletes or the knowledge of 10 scholars? All the staff members said scholars. Jeannie said smart is sexy! Pete agreed and said he encourages his girls to be smart first.

...your significant other has a huge crush and strong physical attraction to your best friend or they hate each other. Pete said crush because they could at least all play games together. Rosie also said she'd rather have her significant other have a crush on her best friend.  

...be liked by all or loved by half and hated by the other half?  Rosie said she'd rather be hated by half because she's had mass adulation (the Queen of Nice) and it's not a grounding way to live. She's lived both experiences and said loved and hated is better than liked by all. Everyone decided to defer to Rosie's expertise on this one. 

THE I WANT CANDY GAME
Each player would hear a clue about a popular confection and they would have to guess which candy James was describing.

ROUND ONE
Rosie: it melts in your mouth, not in your hands. The answer was M&Ms and she got it.
Shoshana: Bart Simpson is a longtime icon for this candy. Butterfingers and she got it.
Janette: this confection only has 1.5 calories. Tic Tacs and she got it.
Bobby: (right here!) There's no wrong way to eat one of these. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, he got it.

ROUND TWO
Rosie: two great American treats in one. First it’s a sucker then it’s gum. Blow Pop and she got it.
Shoshana: these fresh treat allows you to get the sensation. It was Peppermint Patty but she guessed Mentos.
Janette: These Hershey miniatures are the ones with the yellow wrappers. Mr. Goodbar and she got it.
Bobby: this long running TV ad features Mr. Owl. Tootsie Roll Pop and he got it.

ROUND THREE
Rosie: this is a lighter way to enjoy a chocolate bar because it has less fat. Three Musketeers and she got it.
Shoshana: the urban legend says this candy was named after named after a baseball player. Baby Ruth and she got it.
Janette: this candy is made of caramel chocolate and crispy crunchies and named after popular television shows 21 and $64,000 Question. 100 Grand but she didn't get it.
Bobby: this orange penny candy was the inspiration for Lucky Charms cereal. Orange Circus Peanuts but he didn’t get it.

ROUND FOUR
Rosie: this is the west coast’s answer to Twizzlers. Red Vines and she got it.
Shoshana: a soft chewy seaside favorite. Salt Water Taffy and she got it.
Janette: a century ago, someone named these bite-sized candies after his Aunt. Mary Janes and she got it.
Bobby: this candy is sometimes enjoyed by freezing it, smacking it and breaking it up into little pieces. Charleston Chew but he didn't get it.

ROUND FIVE
Rosie: this unusually named candy contains no chocolate but is made out of peanut butter and coconut. It was Zagnut but Rosie didn't get it.
Shoshana: like gumdrops these are the black licorice cousins of Dots. It was Crows but she didn't get it.
Janette: these sugar coated peanut candies sound more like something you'd eat at a summer BBQ. Boston Baked beans but she didn't get it.
Bobby: this weapon of mass destruction is a sour candy favorite of Sirius’s VP of programming. Nuclear War Heads but he didn’t get it.

Rosie WON!!!!!!!

Rosie recalled a candy her Nana used to eat called “N” babies. She said her Nana used to ask for them and it completely horrified her. Rosie couldn’t believe there were actually candies called “N” Babies and looked them up on the Internet and read about them.

Rosie closed the show.

and that's what you missed -kw